RANDOM STUPIDNESS AND CRYING BITCH ALERT, DON'T READ FURTHER XD (except the lyrics at the beginning, those are not stupidness, but awesome xD)


(Dream Theater - These Walls)

Okay... why did I write these lyrics here? Because I feel it's so true to me. It's exactly what I usually feel... I'm just so... awkward. I can't communicate. It's all my fault. I'm watching the kids playing, and I'm standing alone in a corner of the playground. I could ask if I can play with them. They would say yes, probably. But I don't ask them. I don't dare to ask them. Because I know I play horribly. I'm not funny, not interesting, not fun to be with, I'm just a creepy girl, who feels she tries, but she fails miserably. I don't know what I am. I would like to play so badly... But I can't expect others to help. I can't expect them to help me, with always starting to talk to me, with coming to me and tearing down this wall that I can't. I can't expect others to do what I should do... I can't expect them to give to me knowing I have nothing to give back. (and I'm not talking about really standing on a real playground, just not to misunderstand...it's just a metaphor)

But I would ask you one thing... that maybe could help or not.
Please tell me what you think of me. Sincerely. I want to know if you think I'm an annoying bitch, if you like to talk to me or not, anything.  If you feel like I'm cold and don't want to communicate, or whatever. I want to change this. I want to be a better person than I am now.
And I just realized that I can't see clearly... I have no idea how other people see me. I just want to know.



Sorry for this. Just... happened some... well, things today. Feel free to ignore this all. I just felt I need to write something... To keep from sinking further... maybe.
I feel like a pathetic bitch now for writing this. xD